How to Decide When to Engage with Others (Or the “Richardson 3”)
Of all my coaching and mentorship suggestions the “Richardson 3” (as they have become affectionately known) are the most quoted.
In professional and personal settings, it can be difficult to decide when to engage. There are limits to time, energy and risk tolerance. Personal and professional relationships are complicated and once words are exchanged they cannot be retracted. Establishment of boundaries gets much press but there seems to be less instruction on how to decide if a boundary can be set. While the Richardson 3 seems most efficacious for early and mid-career persons, I have found them useful in all sorts of situations. When faced with an interpersonal decision point, I suggest asking yourself the following questions; Is this person teachable?; Do I have the energy to teach them right now?; and, What is the power dynamic between this person and myself?
When faced with an unsettling personal interaction the first question to ask oneself is, is this person teachable? If given the time you have known this individual or institution they seem unwilling or unable to suspend their opinions/practices, they may be unteachable. There is no need at that point for you to consider “teaching” them the errors inherent in their logic, description, or erroneous “fact”.
If there is hope that they are teachable the next question is, do you have the energy to teach them at that moment?
There are limits to our energy influenced by a myriad of factors. Our energy ebbs and flows providing more some days than others. On days when your energy is low, gift yourself with a pass. Chances are that if this person is teachable, there will be another opportunity to share your insights. Only you know the resources you need to manage your life. Only you know how your body feels at any given point and only you then, can create the boundaries to protect your limited supply of energy. Also, certain groups (e.g. women, racial and ethnic minorities, persons identifying as LGBTQ+ ) may feel it their obligation to “teach” even when they are depleted. Please give yourself a pass to ensure you are taking care of yourself. It should not be your burden to educate at all times.
Finally, if a person seems teachable and one has the energy to engage the next question is, what is the power gradient between this person and oneself? Consider one example. A professor makes a disparaging comment about a group in a lecture. As a student in that class, one needs to weigh whether bringing the aforementioned comment to the professor’s attention will impact one’s standing in the class. Considering the power dynamic between the person initiating the comment or behavior and oneself aids in making an informed decision about your course of action. There may be times when your answer to all three questions suggests silence, but your integrity will not permit it. Trust me, I have been there. At least when considering these three questions, you are consciously weighing the risks of acting and not acting. Sometimes, CIHU should be directed toward yourself.
In the Spirit of CIHU: Improve the world through your decisions
